Q.  How long did it take you to write ALWAYS MY BROTHER?  Did you revise it a lot?

A.  After our son John died, I was paralyzed and could not write anything.  About four months later I began writing about John in my journal.

             Six months after he died, I wrote my first draft of ALWAYS MY BROTHER at a writing retreat.  I sobbed as I typed and as I read it aloud.  My wonderful writing buddies possessed the courage and trusted our friendship, so they critiqued the manuscript countless times.  In all over thirty people—grief counselors, surviving siblings, grieving parents, children’s authors and editors—critiqued my manuscript. I needed the story to be strong, the emotions to be authentic, and the hope to be realistic. I even interviewed a woman who has a three-legged dog, Chloe, to insure accuracy.

             Nearly two years after I wrote that first draft the wonderful folks at Tilbury House Publishers called to offer a contract.  (I took the call while driving in LA traffic.  Shame on me!)  They improved the manuscript immensely and created the new title ALWAYS MY BROTHER which I love.  Originally I had named the book, MISSING JOHN and WITHOUT JOHN.  ________________________________________________________________________

Q. Which scene was the most difficult to write?

A.  By far, the hardest part was the after-the-party scene where Becky feels bad that she “forgot to miss John.”  How should the mom respond?  Whoa!  That went through many, many revisions.  I had to dig deeper and deeper emotionally as a writer and as a mother.

             The second hardest part was the ending.  I wanted the family to show some healing, but I didn’t want to erroneously convey that they were “all better now.”  Some children’s books about loss so desperately want a happy ending, that I feel they error on the side of “we-planted-a-tree or we-got-a-replacement-puppy, so we’re all better now.”  I wanted ALWAYS MY BROTHER to offer hope, but only realistic hope.  I still grapple with whether I found the ideal balance for offering comfort to a grieving child.  

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Q.  Where did you get the specific ideas in your book?

A.  One challenge in writing children’s books is that in the story, the child—not the adult—has to solve the problem.  Well, how could a child possibly solve a problem as overwhelming as losing a sibling?  I pondered this dilemma for months and finally came up with the idea of focusing on a small part of her life—soccer.  Plus, our daughter played soccer for fifteen years, so soccer was a natural choice. 

            The three-legged dog idea popped into my head one day when my husband and I were in therapy with our grief counselor.  I remember saying, “Our family feels like a three-legged dog without John,” but then right away adding, “Except, three-legged dogs look so happy.  We aren’t.”  Later I incorporated that idea into the story. 

             The shadows-holding-hands idea emerged when I brainstormed a list of cool things our family did when the kids were little.  Re-reading John’s obituary nearly a year later, I realized my husband had included a handholding reference in it:  “He held her [Jane’s] hand through life.”  Maybe I unconsciously copied this idea from the obituary.

            The “run around barefoot in the snow” came from the fact that John and Jane (in real life) always celebrated the first snow by dancing around outside in their underwear.  I changed it to “barefoot” because who would believe the underwear story?  Ha! 

            The returning-to-school scene is from a writer friend’s description of returning to school after her father’s sudden death when she was seven.  From my own experience, it seems you’re encased in a cocoon during those first days and weeks, but inevitably there’s a dramatic moment when you emerge back into your normal life which, of course, is no longer normal at all.   

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Q.  Why did you choose not to specify the cause of John’s death in ALWAYS MY BROTHER?                    

A.

1.  I wanted the main focus of this book to be a story about the family’s healing journey after John’s death.  In a picture book, you only have fourteen spreads (double pages) to tell a story.  Elaborating on the cause of death would have required one or two spreads, thereby forcing me to cut crucial parts of the healing story.   So, it was a choice based on what I wanted as my primary focus. 

2.   Even though my teenage son died of a drug overdose, the John in my story was too young to die from drugs.  So, it wasn’t that I was too embarrassed or ashamed to mention drug overdose as a cause of death.  If you read our son John’s obituary, you’ll see that we clearly acknowledged it.  (John's Obituary)  My husband and I are proud of our son even though we are very, very sad he became trapped by a drug addiction that ultimately killed him. 

3.  I also hoped that by having an open-ended cause of death, my book would be more universally helpful to grieving families, regardless of their loved one’s cause of death.

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Q.  Why and how did your son get addicted to drugs? 

A.  These are questions that have confused and haunted us before, during, and after John’s drug addiction and overdose death.  John was an exceptionally compassionate and sensitive child.  (As a four-year old he once said, "I hope jails have carpeting so when the bad guys fall down they won't skin their knees.")  Perhaps he found the pressures of middle and high school to be overwhelmingly stressful.  Was he seeking an escape from the pressures?  Was he simply experimenting and became trapped by the addiction?  We don’t know.  In any case, his first bout with addiction was with alcohol as a seventeen year old.  It scared him and he sought out (with our encouragement) an after-school intensive outpatient program.

             Later he became involved with harder drugs, including heroin.  Just after turning nineteen, once again feeling scared, he checked himself into an inpatient rehab facility followed by an outpatient program.  He was unable to stay off drugs, so a month later he re-checked himself into the rehab facility, following it this time with an inpatient program.  Again, he started using heroin and on November 3, 2005, we received that awful, awful phone call.  He died of an overdose. 

             Once a person is addicted, they don’t use drugs for fun, but rather to stop feeling deathly ill.  That is why it is so horribly difficult to walk away from drugs.  Another devastating fact is that when drug users try to stop drugs, particularly after they’ve been clean in a rehab facility, they are far more likely to overdose, if they do use drugs again.   Their bodies have lost the resistance, so even a small amount of the drug can kill them. 

            If you or someone you know is doing risky behavior with drugs, seek help right away.  Every moment you wait the risk becomes more dangerous!  This website might be helpful. 

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Q.  Why isn’t the sister in the book named “Jane,” like in real life?

A.  Having a sister and brother named John and Jane would just seem too unbelievable.  So, I gave my daughter the option to choose the sister’s name.  She chose “Becky” who is a dear, dear friend to Jane and our whole family.                      

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Q.  How was Phyllis Pollema-Cahill chosen as the illustrator? 

A.  My incredible editor, Audrey Maynard, found Phyllis.  Audrey and I consulted back and forth about what we wanted as the general tone of the illustrations:  realistic, soft, and (my obsession) not gloomy colors.  Audrey also wanted someone who would appreciate our family’s love of the outdoors and specifically our love of the Western landscape.  Bingo—Audrey found Phyllis, the perfect illustrator who has all these qualities.  Fortunately for us Phyllis said, “Yes!”